Monday, April 14, 2014, 12:01 p.m.
This week (well, the past five days) have been… Interesting to say the least. Hahaha, so many funny things I wish I had time to tell, so many amazing spiritual experiences I wish I could fully express! But it would take me all day. 🙂 Rest assured that I think about you all and wish I could share every experience I am having each day with you all! You can’t fully understand the work or life of a missionary unless you experience it for yourself. It is strengthening. It is trying! But it is incredible. I feel every single emotion you can think of EVERY SINGLE DAY. I get discouraged and offended and feel inadequate. But I am also lifted and strenghtened and inspired and answered every dayyyy. I LOVE THE MISSION.
This week I have learned a lot about myself and my own personal communication with my Heavenly Father–how He answers my prayers, how I recieve revelation, and how much He loves me. I have learned a LOT about faith–one of my favorite scriptures that I’ve literally shared whenever I have the opportuniy these last few days is Hebrews 12:1-2. (Chapter 11 is also awesome… FYI.) But I love in verse two when it says “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” My favorite line is “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.” Even our Savior had to have faith in the joy that was set ahead of Him, in the future, during His trial. Often the blessings of our faith, prayers, and righteous efforts do not come as promptly as we would like. But we CAN and WILL obtain them if we will just have faith! Have faith in the joy that is set before you! I promise you that “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” GUYS do you realize what that MEANS?! Hahaha, I am a nerd but it legit makes me giddy thinking about the joy that I will have one day if I can endure THIS life just one day at a time. I have often thought of how unfair it is that Heavenly Father would allow us to suffer one trial after another, feel totally and completely inadequate and be almost ridiculously imperfect. It seems almost impossible to do all that He asks us to do. But I know that our Heavenly Father has not sent us to this Earth to fail. He has sent us ALL here to succeed marvelously. I know that He understands our hearts and even our DESIRES to follow His son, Jesus Christ! He will bless us for our best efforts and will forgive us mercifully for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we feel we have done imperfectly. Our teacher the other day was telling us that we CAN be perfect missionaries (Um cry. How can I be a perfect missionary??) I started to feel so discouraged. I will never be a perfect missionary, I will never know exactly how to teach a lesson or exactly what to say to help someone feel the Savior’s love perfectly. He told us that with the Atonement, we can be perfect. I am still trying to understand that concept, but I have faith that I can do all that my Savior would have me do here.
OKAY on another note, I have felt SO GRATEFUL and SO HONORED to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (emphasis on Jesus Christ ;)). We watched the video about John Tanner last night with Presidente Cox and his wife in their apartment and I totally cried (obvi). But if you guys haven’t seen it I really encourage you to watch it! John Tanner consecrated all he had to help do the Lord’s work. He was baptized a multi millionaire and died a pauper–but only in the world’s eyes. I know that he is counted among the great in Heaven. I love you all and I think of you every day! To my parents: Thank you for your examples, your testimonies, and your love for me and for Jesus Christ and His Gospel. I thank my Heavenly Father for you guys every day!
KEEP PRAYING, KEEP SMILING.